Yes, we don't have any children. But that doesn't mean that we have no idea about children at all!
Some of us vary in what we know about children, how to talk to them, what four-letter words to not say around them, how accommodating we are about them. Maybe I was an only child, maybe I have step-siblings not far off in age from your own children. Maybe I am a teacher or nanny or daycare worker.
Most childless people DO have younger siblings, nieces and nephews and cousins and other small children in their life. If you tell us a story about what your kid did, chances are pretty high that we can relate to it, however in a childless person way.
If I am your distant cousin, or a sister-in-law you don't see often, it can be even more difficult to gauge how much I want to hear about your kids. The LAST thing I want to hear is "but YOU wouldn't know anything about THAT!" It might be the god's-honest-truth, but it comes wrapped in a very condescending package. Or if you were to congregate with other parents you just met at a family gathering, talking about your kids and not including anyone who is childless. Don't assume I want to hear nothing about your kids. Talk about them all you like, just don't exclude me because you don't think you can't relate to me.
Please remember that we were ALL kids, even if it was long ago. Most of what you talk about, can be made relateable to the average childless adult, even if to say how much things have changed. I realize that children experience childhood differently than parents, but it is only polite to try to make conversation with another adult. Maybe if you meet someone new that seems to have nothing in common with them, you ignore them, but that's your business; I try to make conversation and be accommodating.
Please don't insinuate that I have all this free time, and don't be fake-sympathetic that I don't have kids.
Free time is like attic space: it gets filled up, no matter how much you have. I am given the shitty shifts at work because I don't have kids at home to attend to, and I cover for parents who must leave early or be off to attend to sick kids. I have a full time job, I have to keep my clothes up-to-date, I have to work late, I have to upgrade my skills, I have to commute, I have to go back to school. If I am not married, I have a boyfriend who takes up a lot of time. If I am single, I am dating all the frogs in search of my prince.
Maybe I do indeed have all the free time in the world. However please refrain from pointing that out, because maybe all that free time is a huge glaring painful fucked-up irony in my life. Maybe I am in a lot of grief over miscarriages, or missed opportunities to have my own children. Maybe I would trade places with you in a heartbeat, so please don't tell me how difficult it is to be a parent. Hearing about how hard it is to be a parent doesn't make me feel better about being alone.
Maybe I have pets and no children. Please don't go there suggesting that pets are not like children. My mom, who had 4 kids, and knows enough about kids to be an amazing primary teacher, says that animals are like children. Animals get jealous of each other and fight, you have to clean their poop, they are dependent on you. I get it, they are not children, but for many childless people, they are indeed members of the family. Don't say they are not the same; don't go there at all, because if a pet is a substitute for a family that has left home already, or children that were lost, it's too painful to have a conversation about. The children aren't there; the pets are, it's pretty obvious so it doesn't bear mentioning.
If you have children and messy pets, my condolences! That sounds like an awful lot of cleaning up poop and settling arguments.
I do have a lot of respect for parents. I enjoyed being one of four children. My mom and dad did a great job. I would give my eyeteeth to be a parent. So please don't tell me how lucky I am to have all this free time, because I fill it with hobbies and the internet, whereas I'd rather have children instead. But don't be fake-sympathetic, just talk to me like a human being.
